Wednesday, January 27, 2010

"Entryatizing"

So... my baby sister, Becs, asked me this morning "what is going on with your blog", and was I ever going to "entryatize" it again.  So, I figured I had better "entryatize" my little corner of cyberspace, that I'm not sure if anyone reads... and if they don't, I wouldn't blame them, because of my lack of informative and witty things to say.  I told you, I've had a bad case of the blog-blues for the past year and a half.  I need to shake myself out of it, with a rigorous disciplined schedule of making myself sit down and blog (not sayin' I will... just sayin' I should).  It's just that usually when I'm sitting down at my computer, it's because I'm doing some form of work, or correspondence, or preparation.  I'm doing one of the three things so often (mainly the first), that I get tired of being at my computer, and the luxury of sitting down to do something other than obligatory computer work (not that writing back friends is obligatory, that's the fun stuff) seems unattainable.  Or even undesirable, at times.  Especially when I can sit down and say quite a lot, and not really say anything at all.  I want to say something if I'm going to say anything.  Like this paragraph, for example.  ahem.  What's the point of this entry anyway?  I don't even know myself yet.  But, be of good cheer, it will come.  The point that is.  It always does. 

Anyway, I'm learning to keep my eyes on Jesus.  No matter what.  To trust Him.  No matter what.  To remember that He is the Worker.  Not me.  That when I get my eyes on the work that's to be done, rather than the Worker Who accomplishes it, I get burnt out, tired out, and frustrated.  I'm not responsible in a sense, for what happens when I do my part in furthering the Kingdom.  I'm like a pipe.  A pipe just does what it's supposed to do; it delivers the water.  It doesn't make the water, it doesn't worry about the water, it just delivers it.  Today, I want the Lord to deliver through me.  Not because of me, but despite me and my weaknesses.  That's another thing, I'm learning to glory and rejoice in my weaknesses.  Blessed are the poor, but the rich He sends away empty handed, is what the Bible says.   If I were rich in my own ability, I wouldn't need Him.  But I'm not rich in my own ability.  Most of the things I do in my every day life, I feel very unqualified to be doing.  But He calls my poorness blessedness, and I'm learning to be thankful for that.   He must increase, and I must decrease.

These days I'm like a tightrope walker, placing one foot in front of the other, not looking to the right or to the left, keeping my gaze steady on the One who is worthy to be trusted.  And if I do fall, underneath are the Everlasting Arms.  With that knowledge, I can walk steady on, rejoicing with each step.  He is worthy to be trusted.  I can bank on that.

See?  I knew the point of this entry would come, if I kept rambling long enough.  :)

And now, Becs, I am officially "entryatized."  :)

3 comments:

TexasLady said...

I read it Marianna:) Elikapeka

Leah said...

I read it!!! when you post, that is. :)

Nama said...

I love that you are entriatyzed! LOL!
I loved this entry too.....and the pipe analogy. Wonderful. You have such amazing insight, Marianna! Thanks so much for taking the time to write from your heart. You are a blessing.
(((hugs)))) to you,
Jana